I want to be better

I am sure that you read this title and you wonder what this is all about. How do you want to be better? I feel that I am a good wife and a good mommy. I feel like I am a good daughter and a good friend. I feel that I am good at my job. I am a good listener and a overall good person. But I want to be better. I want to be a better wife, mommy, daughter, friend, listener, and person. I WANT TO BE A BETTER CHRISTIAN!

For those of you who do not know, here is my testimony:

I have been raised in church my whole life. I have always went to church. I have known who God is and loved him my whole life. But I did not have the relationship with God that I do now until I was a senior in high school.

I had a group of friends who gathered with other Christian teens and worshiped the Lord. It sounded great and since I had nothing else to do that night I went with them. Mostly to meet a guy, which was the wrong reason, but I went. When I got there I heard worship music and teens everywhere were talking. I met some people and then I saw one person I could not stand. This was a guy who mad completely messed up a previous relationship for me and I could not even stand the sight of him.

We took our seats, sang some songs, prayed, and heard a sermon; One that touched my heart and changed me forever. I do not know the man who was preaching the sermon, but he was great. He talked about forgiveness......just what I needed and did not want to hear. This guy that I did not like was directly in front of me. I looked at him, looked down and prayed. I prayed for God to release those bad feelings I had towards him. I prayed for them to be gone and my heart to be filled with peace. And just like that, it was all gone. I was happy, and just like that I accepted God as my personal savior. It was one of the best feelings I have ever felt. After the service was over I walked right over to this guy, told him I was sorry, forgave him, and asked him to forgive me for all of the hateful things I had said to and about him. And he did, just like that.

I went home and told my mom that I had been saved. I told her I wanted a new bible, one to read and understand. She shared this with my aunt, and later that week my church had purchased a Teen Study Bible for me. They had planned to get it for graduation, but knew it was time to give it to me now. And that was how and when my life changed.

I then came to college, met and got engaged to Andrew, but there was one thing hanging over my head. I wanted to be baptized. Before we got married. I wanted Christ to be the center of our marriage. Andrew had already accepted God into his life and he had already been baptized. So it was my turn. With my aunt and uncle(who is a deacon at my church), my mom, cousin, and my future husband my preacher baptized me the summer before my wedding. Coming up out of that water made me new.

Now, I want to be better. God has blessed us with so much in our life, but I want more. I want to hear God speak to me all the time. I want to read my bible daily(which I slack on), I want to know my purpose in life. I want to forgive that one person that I have not forgiven and to be released of the hatred in my heart. I want to be a woman of Christ. I want my daughter to look at me like I look at my mom. Thanks to her, I love and have accepted Christ into my heart. But I want more. I want to be better.

I am going on A Walk to Emmaus in the fall. I want a deeper connection with God. I want to be free(more free then I am!) Pray for me. Right now, I would say that I am the head of our family from the religious standpoint; I want Andrew to be that rock. I want God's will to be done in our lives. I want to be better. Pray for me. I want to not be afraid to praise the Lord without reservation. I want to be able to pray at the alter without people looking at me....basically, I want to not care what they think. I want to praise my God while singing worship songs. Pray for me.

Any suggestions on what I can do.....I am open to any advice. I want to be better for myself, my family, and for Jesus Christ.